Sass: The Bitching Hour

My neighbors in the townhouses across from us, specifically the second one down (or third one down, depending on where you are standing) are blaring....of all things....Michael Bolton. Old school dental office music. I can't even go smoke on my balcony without my ears taking it in and relaying the message to my oversensitive brain that it is time for Captain Hook to work her magic on my gums.

Not okay.

I used to feel bad smoking on my porch. Polluting other people's air makes me feel bad and guilty. Feeling bad and guilty, ironically, triggers a nicotine attack.

But if I have to listen to their crap music, which I feel pollutes my ears, they can smell my smoke and I'd say it's about even.

Speaking of neighbors, there is a big blond chick in the townhouses as well. Not at the Michael Bolton one, the one next door to them. She's way loud. Incredibly loud. Especially when she yells at her man. Which happens at least three times a week, if not more.

She really, really hates him. Really. And she decides that she hates them about the same time every night, which I've termed the "The Bitching Hour." Somewhere between 11:00 p.m. and midnight she decides it's time for him to feel her pain. She screams at him telling him just how bad of an asshole he is. And all I can think is, "Then kick his sorry ass out then." Really now, how hard can that be? If he truly sucks that bad I'd think the solution would be simple--kick his ass out.

It couldn't be that she's afraid of hurting his feelings because her near-nightly monologues tell us all that she has no trouble being blunt.

So whatever her glitch is, I'm willing to help. I'll kick him out for her.

All she has to do is ask and I'll show him to the door, tell him to beat feet and not look back. Just 'cause I'm a good neighbor like that.

And if she chooses to not kick his ass out, I've got to say to her Bitchiness, "Get thyself to the psych posthaste!" Because her screaming and hollering has actually woke me up. And that's some hard shit to do.

Either she kicks his ass out, has me kick his ass out, or gets herself meds or I'm calling the cops because I'm completely fine with domestic disharmony--until it wakes me up.