Sassy Mama: Reasons I Hate Chuck E. Cheese

We recently went to Chuck E. Cheese for our eldest child's birthday. We already have a family rule that states, "Thou shalt not eat any foods served from Sir Chuck E. Cheese," so we were there for the games only. I don't know if we don't have enough Chuck E. Cheese restaurants (and I use that title loosely) in this area, but that place was jam packed. As I sat crammed into a tiny table in the toddler zone, working up the motivation to get me and Cassidy into the mix I started to realize all the reasons I hate Chuck E. Cheese. Here they are:

1-On any given day I'm not even sure I like my own children.

2-Therefore, I most likely don't like other people's children. And there were many, many "OPC" at this place.

3-Kids, not known for their domestication abilities in the first place, go back to their feral roots once deposited into the Mouse's House of Cheese.

4-They are rude and try weird acrobatics...around my child...whom I like and want to protect.

5-I'm pretty sure at least 50% of that crowd had germs...kid germs....like long-lasting cold viruses and fevers and general crud. Of which I wanted none.

6-My husband morphs into a big kid, which he does anyway, but it is really bad when I spot him at the easiest game just slamming away to get the most tickets possible. I mean, does he want the huge, life-like Chuck E. Cheese stuffed animal or what?

7-Parents, on average, do not pay ANY attention whatsoever to their children in Chuck E. Cheese.

8-Because they stamp your hand and your child's hand (also annoying) with a unique code thus no one can take off with your child---who by the way, probably has no worries, after all, he/she is acting like a neanderthal on meth.

9-When a parent has to actually talk to their child and say, "No Alyssa, you CAN'T climb onto the back of that ride while that little girl is on it," they are staring at you who has been telling "Alyssa" to be careful, be careful, BE CAREFUL as she tried to slide in the back window of the van ride your own daughter is trying to "drive." By the way, parents who frequent Chuck E. Cheese please tell your children that when another parent tells them, "Be careful" that really equals, "Get the f--k away."

10-Because Chuck E. Cheese and its' people chaos and crappy food is basically my Kryptonite. I leave that place drained, spastic and stupid.

I freakin' hate that place.