Sassy Wifey: World of Widowhood

....was what my dear Phil was almost playing an active role in tonight. Seriously, this shit has got to stop. As you may or may not know, depending on if I actually have conversed with you in real life (and if I have for at least two minutes you know one thing about me and that one thing everyone must know is that my, ahem, "man" is addicted to a online virtual game. Yes...for real.) Phil is off on Fridays. So fine, right. He plays his game all day while I work. He watches the kids too. But mostly he plays his game. Priorities.

We have this new deal. I make us lunch in the mornings and he makes dinner at night because he gets home earlier. And he so especially makes dinner on Friday nights because he's been home all day. And I get that raiding and virtual play is so hard but I'm pretty sure he can muster the energy to make some food. I mean, didn't he just earn some on his game?

So tonight I say, "What's for dinner?" And he, not hearing me, but realizing from my angry inquisitive glare that I must be addressing him, removes one headphone from the side of his head so he can hear me. (Again, for real. I couldn't make this lameness up.) So I repeat my question and he said, "Uh, don't know." Then a monster must of jumped in front of him or he was getting summoned back from the dead or, like, WHATEVER, and he put the headphone back on his ear.

Right.

Fast forward to nearly 8:00 and I'm seriously jonesing for food. I plead. I whine. In an attempt to relate to him, I morph into my favorite charachter, Queen Bitch asking, "You can't even leave that game for a minute??????" And he says the words that make me want to slap the sanity back into him, "I can't. I can't. I'm in a raid."

I thought he was going to try and feed us manna from his game or something just to silence our IRL voices.

See the thing is, well shit, there are MANY things, but the main thing is this whole confusion of priorities between REAL LIFE and well, UNREAL LIFE. I thought that I would break it down for him in this blog (which he doesn't read because I don't hand out virtual weapons or magic skills as a reward):

REAL LIFE:
People eat food.
People work.
People eat food again.
People watch their children.
Wives get divorced from their husbands due to their online gaming addictions. Just sayin.

UNREAL LIFE:
People aren't people.
People are characters.
Characters eat play food made up of pixels.
Characters don't work. They raid, pillage, cast spells, etc.
Characters don't usually have offspring because they'd probably eat them.
Characters are usually single. (Whoah....now it's starting to mirror real life.)